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TJMF Publishing - Open Mike Cafe Editor's Desk Staff Editor Patty Zion |
Believing In Leather
(With thanks to Yusef Komunyakaa}
by hawk
Grey clouds hang above me,
saturating native elms with Oklahoma rain
but westward
beyond the slow rolling sky, I sense
the centerfield of summer.
The sun is setting somewhere out there
darkening the day
as I stand here believing in leather,
holding the horsehide sphere,
wanting to feel the burn of seams
spinning off my fingertips.
Even now, well past days of play,
I can breathe the scent of saddle soap
rubbed into the Mickey Mantle signature
engraved in a Rawlings palm.
How it deepened the smooth tan
to a dark brown
around the holes where the laces tuck
into X's uniting fingers with web and thumb.
Connection of ball to glove is sacramental;
the conception of a leatherless earth
still seems somehow unholy
artificial unnatural to me.
I cannot stop believing in leather.
At fifty-three
the steady pop of a baseball,
propelled into the pocket by my own hand,
drops hidden stars like pebbles
tossed into a farm pond
and explodes the dimming drizzle of years
back to full burst of summer sunlight.
Believing in Leather relates an intense love of baseball, summer, and memory. Hawk carries the reader through the luxurious experience of the leather glove as he touches, propels, and catches the baseball. Using free verse to the full extent of its influence, he relates to the child and the humanity within each reader.
Strengths:
This is essentially a narrative poem, and the narrative style works remarkably well for this subject. There is little metaphor or digression from the tale. We enter the story as hawk looks up at a gray sky. We sense his sadness. As the poem progresses, we not only feel the sorrow lift with the baseball experience, but also discover some of the reason for the dark mood - age and distance. The poet skillfully takes the reader into his mind and emotions, relating a blue mood, but relieving it with the sensual details related to playing baseball.
Hawk successfully uses free verse form. He avoids predictability, cliché, and generalities, concentrating instead on specific, concrete objects and images to create a moving picture. He uses four of the five senses: sight, smell, hearing, and touch.
The title provides high interest and a quick peek into the poet's mind. Hawk also repeats similar phrases twice in the body of the poem - he does not overdo the repetition, but rather reinforces the power of the title.
Suggestions for improvement:
Only a few areas seem slightly weaker than the balance of the poem. This section is somewhat overtold:
Connection of ball to glove is sacramental;
the conception of a leatherless earth
still seems somehow unholy
artificial unnatural to me.
In particular, the repetition of similar words - unholy, artificial, unnatural - slows down the progression of the poem. The intelligent reader can get the idea through the word sacramental and the phrase the conception of a leatherless earth. Note the coined word leatherless, which carries enough weight to make a persuasive point.
This is a dangling participle:
At fifty-three
the steady pop of a baseball,
The pop is not fifty-three; the narrator is. While this minor glitch might not be noticed by most readers, it still needs to be remedied. Here is one possible way to fix it:
At fifty-three, I cannot stop believing in leather.
The steady pop of a baseball,
propelled into the pocket by my own hand, . . .
This poem would read more easily with a few stanza breaks. Most readers feel more comfortable digesting a poem in smaller bites, and stanza breaks usually serve a poet well.
Most powerful phrases:
I sense
the centerfield of summer.
Superb, natural alliteration of S sounds, combined with a unique expression. We see the centerfield of a baseball diamond, and we feel summer, expressed by the concept of the centerfield.
wanting to feel the burn of seams
A dynamic phrase, which not only implements the sense of touch, but also implies movement.
Connection of ball to glove is sacramental;
Here, we are immersed in the mind and the values of this poet. There is no disputing his wonder and excitement at experiencing this game.
I cannot stop believing in leather.
Profound, memorable line, relating back to the title and encapsulating the theme and subject.
Believing in Leather, a supremely touchable poem, takes the reader onto the baseball field, but more importantly, takes us on a journey into the wonder of words. Hawk uses masterful storytelling and poetic skill in this publishable poem. Thank you, hawk.
Patty Zion, Staff Editor