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Pulling free from tangled briers of reverie
I stomp through the wilderness of repose.
With neither hand to hold
nor staff to lean upon,
I wade through murky thoughts,
stumble,
then choke on the swill
of brackish confusion.
.
Struggling to blaze a trail through
uncharted emotions,
I push on, head down,
watching step after step
sink into stagnant sameness.
.
Attempts to raise and lengthen my stride
fail. Fear sucks me deeper
into pools of self doubt.
Enlightenment seems thwarted
and visions of hope evaporate
into puffs of nothing, swept away
by black breezes of loneliness.
.
A plethora of questions linger
like fantasies waiting to be dreamed.
No...
sorrow about to be born.
I wake alone.
.
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Nightscape tugs the reader through nettles of thoughts and feelings, as the narrator describes her effort to find a way out of inner struggles. Using a tangled black jungle and a thick pool as metaphors for internal conflicts, the poem deftly communicates loneliness and confusion. Escape is nowhere to be found. Human companionship is also nonexistent, as the final stanza reveals.
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Strengths:. Wordwench immerses the reader in a world of a lost soul. The idea that there is neither hand to hold/ nor staff to lean upon, implies that both people (hands) and higher power (staff) have abandoned this poor individual. Abandonment is complete.
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Most word choices support the poet’s chosen mood and theme in this work. Wordwench has skillfully kept the scene bleak throughout each line, drawing us into a world filled with frustration. We experience an unfriendly landscape beginning with the first word, and then carried through each stanza.
.The poem also employs jarring line breaks to suggest the hesitation of the situation. In this way, Wordwench creates a form which fits the subject matter. We not only read about the disjointed thoughts; we fall into the stumbling of the narrator.
.
I wade through murky thoughts,
stumble,
.
The poet has carefully placed a line break after thoughts, before stumble, to slow down the reader and connote the stop-and-go nature of this journey. The line break provides a natural pause. This technique also appears in the third stanza, when a line break sets the word fail apart from its subject:
.
Attempts to raise and lengthen my stride
fail. Fear sucks me deeper
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And again, in the final stanza, the narrator’s thoughts are interrupted by the word No, set apart by a line break, and once more disturbing the flow of ideas. Wordwench controls the reader’s mind and speed of reading throughout the poem. Tempo belongs to the poet, and we are dragged along unwillingly. This contributes to the overall sense of disorder.
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Tucked inside the third stanza is an inconspicuous bit of poetic device. The phrase puffs of nothing uses assonance of the soft uh sound to create a gentle onomatopoeia. We can actually hear the hope evaporating.
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Suggestions for improvement:.
In the first line of the poem, the word reverie fails to introduce the scene well. A reverie is usually a pleasant daydreaming time. We enjoy a reverie. A better word might be trance or nightmare.
.In a similar way, the word repose, which appears in the second line, indicates a restful state, and seems out of place in this work. I suggest omitting the phrase of repose and simply saying,
I stomp through the wilderness.
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Most moving phrases:
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tangled briers of reverie
Here, Wordwench has drawn a clear image of bewilderment, using briers, which not only entrap a person’s feet, but also prickle the skin. This adds an extra note of implied sensory detail..
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then choke on the swill /of brackish confusion
Swill connotes a drink which is not only large, but also tasteless and lacking nourishment. The perfect word enables the reader to vicariously live out the foul
experience described in the poem.
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I wake alone.
This simple but emotive ending leaves a lasting note of remoteness. No help appears; no human being comes near. The narrator has reached an ugly and frightful conclusion.
.Nightscape takes advantage of many poetic techniques to accomplish an uncomfortable feeling. The reader feels off balance – tripped up at every turn. Wordwench has created a unique approach to the poet’s task of making the reader feel what the poet feels. This is a well-written piece of imagery. Thank you, Wordwench.
.Patty Zion, Staff Editor