Editor's Review choice for May

Meaningless relates the suffering of a widow who has been provided for by her husband, but still feels the emptiness of life without her chosen partner.  We feel the emotion in her story.   Ellen has bravely shared deep feelings by opening her heart.  As readers and fellow poets, we extend deepest sympathy to her. 

Strengths:  Brevity serves ellenb well in this sad piece of writing.  She wisely keeps the words to a minimum and refrains from using a lot of descriptive terms.  The reader is quickly drawn into the story and its very poignant tone.   

The limited repetition of everything and the echoing sound of nothing add much to the ending, causing a reverberating effect as the reader leaves the poem.  This is a skillfully created takeaway. 

Suggested areas for improvement: Punctuation surrounding dashes and semicolons can be confusing.  The following changes will bring the poem into line:  

Widowed

and left alone.

 

I’ve done well - considering. 

 

But this note -

you could have just

said goodbye (comma)

but you did

so much more. 

 

You laid it out so well; (dash instead of semicolon) 

 

no need to worry,

you planned for everything. 

 

Everything -

except - that without you (comma)

this all means nothing.

 

Note that, following a semicolon or a dash, the first letter of the next clause is not capitalized.

 

Also, the hyphens in the body of the poem should all be dashes.  A dash (sometimes referred to as an em dash) can be created by typing two hyphens.  If your program is set to convert this to a dash, it will happen automatically.  Otherwise, simply hit the ENTER key after typing two hyphens, and a dash will appear.  (Thank you, Sarah Yagi, for this bit of MS Word advice.)

 

The repetition of the word so sticks out, especially in such a short work.  So is a qualifier that is not needed; the second instance could be deleted.

 

This poem would be strengthened by the addition of a few concrete objects.  Ellen mentions a note, but no detail follows.  Even without telling the actual words written in the note, it could be laid out in a way that would create an image in the reader's mind.  For instance:

 

But this note

in choppy hand on legal paper

 

Any concrete detail can be substituted here, and the more emotional its connotation, the better.  We want the reader to see the note.  This simple technique adds dimension and thingness to a poem - an important factor.

 

In fact, one more image will bring the poem into even sharper focus.  Following the phrase you planned for everything, Ellen might add some specific things he did plan for:   ranch home in the country, the silver Pontiac, a bigger backyard.  Of course, the things he planned for might include some that are more conceptual, but concrete objects always add more impact.

 

When choosing things to include in a poem, remember, if you can touch it, it will touch the reader.

 

Most powerful phrases:

 

I've done well - considering.  Here, Ellen tells a lot in a few words.  We sense the devastation she has felt following the loss of her husband, and yet, there is no crying -

only these succinct words of grief.

 

this all means nothing. A fitting contrast to the everything he has laid out for her.  The reader is left wondering exactly how deep the nothingness feels, creating some sense of ambiguity, but the impact is strong.

 

Meaningless carries us far on the back of fewer than fifty words.  Ellenb has skillfully related the sorrow of the situation.  This is a very personal poem that will stand as a memoir in years to come.  Thank you, ellenb.